Insanity Identified

Last night at Celebrate Recovery the speaker reminded us that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. For once, instead of using my brain to think through my life and try to figure out myself where I am still being insane, I asked Papa to show me. Fairly quickly He pointed to my almost daily habit of getting up in the morning with every intention of gathering up my Bible and journal and sitting down to spend time with Him. You see, although most days I get up with that intention, I usually tell myself that first I'll just do this one load of wash, then I'll just put dinner in the crockpot, then I'll just check my email, then...well, you get the picture. Inevitably I get to the end of the day and realize that I still haven't hung out with Him and now I'm too tired to think straight.

So, for the first time I am recognizing my denial in telling myself that today will be different from yesterday and the day before that and the day before that... I am asking Papa to help me make hanging out with Him the first priority in my day, to admit that if I say, "I'll just do ________ then I'll sit down with Him," I'm just continuing to live in a state of insanity. It's never worked before, and it won't work this time either. So what will happen now? Will something finally change? Maybe, because this time I'm recognizing my denial, admitting my powerlessness and my insanity and asking the One who does have the power to help. Feel free to ask me how it's going!